“Dude: me and Karey, rappeling down a cliff, blasting Earth Wind & Fire out these speakers.”

“… and that’s your idea of a relaxing Valentine’s day?”

It was Shawn I was talking to, so I couldn’t be miffed at the reaction. A windy spring day, leaves loosed from trees brushed across his cheek or afro; his mouth remained agape. I rose from my reclined posture, patting my hands on my knees. He won’t win this lecture.

“We’ve been hiking like a bajillion times by now. She’s been saying it’s too easy, and she wants to ramp it up.”

“Really?” Shawn said. “She’s been with you hiking that much?”

“Yeah, we—”

“OK. Let’s say she has, pal of mine. She’s still. Scared. Of. Heights.” He made chopping scissor fingers and lowered his hand to the ground. “That’s you by the way. She’d push you off before going down herself.”

“She would not. She loves me.”

“And for what reason, I do not know.”

“Because I saved her life, I’m great at directions, I cook mean meatloaf.”

“Oh alright. You are a good cook at least. My wife’s been begging me to become your student. She still can’t get over those steaks…”

“Whoa-ho-ho! Has my guy finally left the souless salad side of vegetarianism?”

“Fat chance, moo murderer.”

“You’ll come around, someday,” I said. I turned to the corner and picked my new speakers off the bench. “Anyway, wise guy, what do you think I should do for Karey next week?”

“Anything that doesn’t involve those speakers. Unless you’re playing smooth jazz.”

“Yuck, that’s what she likes.” A woman walking by rolled her eyes as she passed me.

“Well if you’re tryna marry her someday you better get used to making sacrifices.”

“Yeah yeah.” I said and shrugged. But deep down I knew he was right. Karey and I started dating five years ago, and it took two years of friendly prodding for her to dip her toes into my lifestlye: I took her on her first hike. We’ve been on several since; she loves it. It would be rude of me to not give her world a try.

“Will that be the red or the white wine,” a waiter might ask us. I’d sweat profusely. What’s the difference? And you can’t say “I’ll take a beer” in the restaurants Karey likes.

“She’s been dealing with nasty costumers all week,” Shawn said. Her shoulders likely ache from hunching over at that receptionist desk all day. She needs… a massage. Or a sauna. Go with her, try both!”

“I dunno if I can sit still for so long while somebody’s touching me.”

“Make some jokes. She’ll be right next to you, you’ll forget about your surroundings.”

“What if I forget to hold in my farts?”

Shawn slapped both palms to his face. “Man, man, man… you’re hopeless.”