Word Choice Exercise #1

Here’s an attempt at an exercise I found in Henneke Duistermaat’s article, Word Choice: How to Play With Words (and Find Your Voice). You can find more exercises and tips on her website, enchantingmarketing.com.

Five Character Variations of: “I’m a … and I’m on a mission to …”

(1.

I’m a carpenter, yes, I just spotted mold by your electrical outlet, hm? I’m on a mission to do my job but with such a mess how can I do my job for you?

(2.

Hiya! I cashier here at Monae’s Boutique, so lovely of you to stop in! Is this for an anniversary or a first date? I can see the butterflies in your eyes—smile!—I’ve got just the flowers to make her day.

(3.

Yeah. I work at Monae’s, you lost? Well sorry, I don’t get paid to give directions, my job’s to sell flowers. The other employers trashed my resume.

(4.

I-I’m… Hi, I’m Caden. My mommy dropped me off for furst day school. I’m fourth grade…

(5.

Portia Clementine, junior reporter for the Onyx Observer, here to stomp the gas so your story will be free and be heard by millions of Americans and so your life will be saved.

Second Sight

That was the last time I saw Mom’s smile. Now when she’s near, raspberry aura envelopes my retinas. It sways like a flag in the breeze, and perpetually manifests and evaporates.

Pitying glances, consoling words. They are more bitter or more sweet now, vibrating my earlobe, activating goosebumps. The doctor’s voice is the most harsh, coarse like a splinter-laden rug. His apologies to Mom or Dad are boulders jutted out a waterfall. Abrupt, brusque, insincere.

I feel their eyes land on me. It tickles, it hurts. When they speak I drown in the cinema they draw. An unending movie plays all the time in my mind. I am the camera and the protagonist. I lose myself in the plot. In the other characters.

But when I hear Mom say it’ll be okay, the burgundy wisp returns and dwindles. Kindness of alien light warms my insides.

Construction Variations #1: To ___ Is To ___

Five Examples of the Preset Pattern’s Variations

(1.

Ah, young pupil. To fail is to improve. No artist gets it right on the first try.

(2.

To feel the frigid winds whilst dangling upside-down by bungee cord’s half-inch thread is to feel every victory and mishap, every warm tear and cold kiss, every memory rush in and out of consciousness within seconds.

(3.

Eh, whaddya gonna do? “To love is to lose” or somethin’, amiright?

(4.

To slip in my pronunciation of that single syllable for two seconds in that thirty-minute speech is basically to pee my pants in a $400 dollar blazer.

(5.

To run outside but get stung by bees anyway is to be 10, free, and alive…! Now I let the bees sting me and don’t protest.

Literary Devices: Hypotaxis

Definition: “Hypotaxis also called subordinating style, is a grammatical and rhetorical term used to describe an arrangement of phrases or clauses in a dependent or subordinate relationship — that is, phrases or clauses ordered one under another. In hypotactic constructions, subordinating conjunctions and relative pronouns serve to connect the dependent elements to the main clause.” – ThoughtCo.

Dependent clauses contain subordinating conjunctions, like “when,” “because,” and “though,” as in, “though he liked ice cream.” The clause is dependent because it cannot stand alone as a sentence; it requires a main clause to make it make sense: “though he liked ice cream, he wasn’t hungry.

Hypotaxis is stacking multiple dependent clauses before the main clause: “though he liked ice cream because it tasted delicious, especially when it had sprinkles, he wasn’t hungry.

Why It’s Useful: Stacking dependent clauses in the beginning of a sentence is like the wind-up of a punch–done correctly, the main clause will hit with immense force.

Five Examples of Hypotaxis in Action

(1.

Although Mary sounds heavenly when she sings on-stage, her pre-teen voice gets just as screechy and crooked as all the other kids in her grade.

(2.

To K. Levin, who was a comic I used to open for when I was a beginner—though back then he was a beginner, too, just a damn funny one—it seemed obvious where to insert a punchline.

(3.

Where you were born when the war was taking place said a lot about your future.

(4.

That I remembered where my keys were when my roommate asked me surprised him.

(5.

When Devon found out his wallet was stolen by the same guy he gave directions to, the guy who had the gray, muck-splotched jean jacket with holes in it, the guy who had an optimism in his voice, like his hope would thrust him toward his university aspirations like a clown from a cannon—although the guy didn’t seem reckless like a clown: his clasped palms as he spoke hinted he was a cautious man—the guy who wiped his temples while Devon spoke, wiped them, Devon, assumed, to keep the tears out of his eyes as Devon loaned him $30 to catch a cab, Devon himself almost teary-eyed after hearing his story—when Devon found out his wallet that had a rare photo of his daughter and his last two credit cards was stolen, he forgot where he was and collapsed on the ground as he let out his scream.

My Writing: Before And After Learning Abt. Prose Style

[This Post Was Taken From A 5/31/20 Entry In My Writer’s Journal]

“I’m going to give it to you straight, writing takes effort. You can’t write a passage once a month and expect to become a major selling author. This is something I was forced to open my eyes to and something every writer should know.”

– Jamal H. Goodwin Jr., Create Before You Critique, January 2016

“My insistence on the merits of style is not meant to discount genre. Readers should know what experience they desire and be able to purchase it. But it’s undeniable that style precedes genre. Otherwise, besides plot, all detective stories would read the same!”

– Jamal H. Goodwin Jr., The Macchia of Literature, March 2020

College has done a lot of good for me. My drive to learn combined with Temple’s abundant opportunities created a mental machine, a writing windmill with infinite energy. The wheel’s turning is constant and electric. Touch and you’ll get zapped.

It’s funny how many people told me I didn’t need college to be a writer, how many people raised an eyebrow when I declared I was an English major. They said, “but you could just start your book now. You could self-publish. Write for practice and you’ll learn everything you need.”

There are many writers out there. The writing community on Twitter alone likely comprises of hundreds of thousands of people. Many are successful, and many have a degree outside of English or no degree at all.

Still, many DO have a degree. The entire world of literary fiction is dominated by pompous or reticent, avant-garde MFA holders. And unconventional knowledge of groups like OULIPO or works like Kathy Acker’s Great Expectations? I’d be hard pressed to find any normal person, any non-writer tell me about them.

And these literary works/groups aren’t trending on the internet. Everything is Stephen King or J.K. Rowling. It’d be a miracle if non-college Jamal found out about Weike Wang’s Chemistry or Alexandra Kleeman’s You Too Can Have A Body Like Mine.

I say all of this to say, my approach to writing has changed since going to college. A concrete example is my acquired knowledge on prose. It’s hard to believe I even knew that word in high school, but now that I’ve learned the rules of prose, I’ll never forget it. Poetry is poetry, and not-poetry is prose. And I must say, my prose was weaker when I was younger. I used to use or eschew commas willy-nilly, not knowing they demarcated phrases and parentheticals.

The first quote I used at the beginning of this entry is of an article I wrote for my high school newspaper. My first sentence in that quote uses a comma incorrectly; it separates two clauses, making it a comma splice, which is a type of fused sentence. The second quote is from a more recent work, and I use commas in it correctly. The line “besides plot” is in-between two commas; it’s a parenthetical. High school me had no knowledge of sentence types or basic grammar rules.

Interestingly, young-me did have some good sentences up his sleeve. What’s below comes from my fanfic of Tananarive Due’s African Immortals series:

“Dawit’s wife, Jessica, was once a mortal herself, until Dawit feared he’d lose her forever and forced the ceremony upon her.”

– Jamal H. Goodwin Jr., Teka’s Travels, December 2014

In the excerpt, before I knew what the technique was, I used an appositive (“Jessica” stands in for “Dawit’s wife”) and a subordinate conjunction and clause (“until Dawit feared…”). I suppose some grammar techniques are picked up after frequent reading/writing.

My knowledge attained thus far excites me. Knowing the names of the skills I’ve used allows me to use and not use them at will.